Psychological assistance to the relatives of the military
Supporting each other is our main job in the realities of war and long after it ends. How to support yourself? How to support those who have gone through hell? How to find words where there are none? Specific advice from a professional psychologist.
Today we will touch upon a very important and very difficult topic: how wives and relatives of military personnel can cope with psychological stress on their own.
Family members of military personnel, even when they are far from combat operations, experience stress due to worries about the fate of their loved ones, which has a destructive effect on the psychological state of the individual. This often leads to the development of nervousness, increased conflict, and decreased satisfaction with family life.
In modern research, the role of wives is seen as stabilizing the psycho-emotional state of a serviceman, which affects the productivity of his professional activity; in fact, they become associated members of military service, so it is very important to prevent their personal disorders.
Emergency events during war affect everyone, but the range of possible reactions and emotions is very wide. Many women feel overwhelmed, disoriented, or confused about what is happening. Fear or anxiety may build up, and some become numb or apathetic. Some show mild reactions, others more severe. However, the possibilities of adaptation (psychological, physiological, social) to such minds sooner or later run out, which contributes to the growth of post-traumatic stress disorders (PTSD). The way a person reacts is influenced by many factors, including:
- the nature and severity of the event experienced; past traumatic events;
- availability of outside support in life;
- physical health;
- the presence of mental health disorders in the woman or in her home country (including in the past);
- cultural roots and traditions;
- age.
Every woman has her own strengths and capabilities that help her cope with life's challenges. At the same time, experience shows that people who believe they have received good social support cope better after a crisis than those who believe they have not received enough help. That is why it is so important to provide correct first aid in emergencies.
If you are unable to attend support groups (it is very important for military wives to see themselves surrounded by women like themselves who are going through the same situation), you need to take care of your mental health on your own.
First and foremost, military wives should rely on themselves, on their abilities, on their strength. The strength of the woman she has (the self-help technique using the "Totem Animals" MAC, which we previously published, will be useful). And it is very important to maintain the lifestyle to which they are accustomed - if they were involved in sports - to continue to study, read, go to clubs, take care of their family, children - everything as it was before. It is also important that a woman does not stay alone.
In a crisis situation, a person is always in a state of mental agitation. This is normal. The behavior of such a person should not frighten, irritate or surprise. Their state, actions, emotions are a normal reaction to abnormal circumstances.
To stabilize their mental state, military wives can use the exercises that have already been published on our Instagram page and on the psychologist's blog:
You will find links to these techniques in the highlights in the Psychology section.
We are also adding another technique called the Circle of Support.
Identifying available resources and finding the necessary social support is one of the important steps in creating a safe environment for military families.
The "Circle of Support" exercise helps to realize the available internal and external resources, strengthen the skills of identifying needs and seeking the necessary help, and develop the ability to seek and receive support.
Write the word "I" in the center of the inner circle. Think about who is supporting you right now. Name these people and write their names in the other circles. Write their names in relation to the "I" circle as you feel supported by these people. Some names will be closer, some farther away.
Analyze the results of the exercise on your own. Do you have specialists from our or similar humanitarian projects in your support circles? If not, think about the extent to which you are currently able to receive assistance from the external environment and write down your findings in a notebook.
Next, let's look at how to properly communicate with a husband, brother, or son who is involved in military operations. There are several important principles that will help you cope in such a difficult situation.
1. Words of encouragement
Every soldier should know that they are loved and proud of them. This is the most important thing. Repeat these two things every time, and this person will receive extraordinary support. Listening to someone's story is already a great support. However, it is important not to force them to talk about their experiences.
2. Give space
You should be sympathetic to situations where the military does not want to talk to you. Don't insist, put pressure, or manipulate them into feeling guilty. You should tell them that support will be nearby if they want to talk, or offer them practical help, such as food or a glass of water.
3. Dream
Plan and dream together. Promise what you will do when he returns. Plan how you will spend your time together. There's a great self-help technique called "Letter to Yourself in 10 Years" (we published it earlier) that will help you see perspective in the most difficult situation.
4. Be sensitive to change
If you notice changes in behavior, aggression, don't blame him. Support him, tell him that you see these changes in behavior, but you still love him.
At this point, let us recall the clinical symptoms of PTSD:
- Unmotivated vigilance; - "Explosive" reaction; - Dullness of emotions; - Aggressiveness; - Impaired memory and concentration; - Depression; - General anxiety; - Anger attacks; - Substance abuse; - Unwanted memories; - Hallucinatory experiences; - Insomnia; - Suicidal thoughts; - Survivor's guilt.
5. Remind them that they are expected to
It is scary and difficult for any soldier on any line right now. And your every message should be a reminder that there is a quiet island somewhere, where they are waiting for them and where they will definitely return.
6. Do not quarrel
Do not fight in any way. Leave it all for later. Remember that now the military needs only your support.
7. Take care of yourself
It is very difficult to be supportive when you are not eating enough, sleeping poorly and feeling terrible. You need to be a resource and you need support too. Talk to your loved ones about it and let them help you. There are a lot of psychological self-help techniques on our Instagram page and in our blog.
The material was prepared by
psychologist of the Charitable Foundation "PEACE FOR THE FUTURE"
Natalia Lukashuk
e-mail: psy.bypeace@gmail.com
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